The Panic Years

Hey everyone, I'm helping a friend Google bomb her new book, so if you find yourself here, just click on the link and help her move it up the Google list:

THE PANIC YEARS by Doree Lewak: "A Guide to Surviving Smug Married Friends, Bad Taffeta and Life on the Wrong Side of 25 Without a Ring."

What's New Today?

Hey readers, new stuff on the What's New page.

Global Warming? - Discuss

This is the discussion page for my essay "Is The Truth Really That Inconvenient?" If you have something to say, something to add, something to correct, tell me here.

More fun with webstats

Well it’s that time again for more fun with webstats. For those who don’t know what this is all about, basically whenever I’m extremely bored yet without the actual brain and creative capacity to write anything of substance, I peruse the statistics for my website and find the most ridiculous and asinine search phrases that people have typed into Google or other search engines that ultimately led them to my website. See previous results HERE.

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“the cheap way to have an inground basketball hoop” – Maybe if this guy had loosened the purse strings a bit, he’d have found what he was looking for. Instead he ended up at my blog with Tag You’re Gone

“who sings a song boobs” – I’m not exactly sure what this guy was really looking for, but he ended up reading a story about me singing karaoke and watching other guys try to get girls to show their boobs during My Night On Bourbon Street

“find the definition of the slang word mook” – I always find it amusing when people type full sentences into search engines, like they're giving Google a command. “Come on Google, go get it now.” Well, I’m sure this guy got his answer - and more than he bargained for - with my humor column, When Niggers Were Jerks and Faggots Were Sissies.

“price is right contestant aggravates bob barker” – Goodness, has anyone ever seen Bob Barker get aggravated? Me neither, which is why this person ended up here, and only because of two completely unrelated blogs on my Societal Dissection page.

“spraying marijuana with Sprite” – Was this guy looking for some new funny YouTube video or is this a little known growing aid for that magic little plant? Either way this guy didn’t find his information when he read the blog, Feed Me… Does it have to be human? Feed Me… Does it have to Be Sprite?”

“what’s the matter with phil mickelsons head” – I don’t know, but when he blew his final series of shots during last year’s U.S. Open he made mine and a whole bunch of other TV people’s day. It was most exciting I’ve ever seen a golf event get. Now if only there had been naked women at stake.

“topless beer brewing” – Too bad for this guy I made only an off-hand comment about a topless bar in my humor column The Drinking Habits of Beer Snobs. I’m sure the topic he was searching for was much more interesting than the crap I wrote.

“narrative essay about the day the aliens landed” – I hate to be the one to break this to you my friend, but there are no aliens. There is however something To Whet Your Appetite about Stephen Spielberg's aliens in a blog about my trip to Devil’s Tower.

“very tiny penis girlfriend” – Okay, do you want to know about your girlfriend's tiny penis, or are you trying to gauge your girlfriend’s response to yours? Doesn’t matter because all you actually read about was My Night on Bourbon Street.

“big butts road trip” – Seriously why do these people even click on my page? This guy was apparently looking up a series of porn movies involving… well the search criteria pretty much explains it all. And yet he still clicked on the intro to my Road Trip because of a line about how “one town butts up against the next.” Silly perverts.

“philly pops pimples on her penis” – This is perhaps my favorite and most disturbing one. I’m sorry… HER penis? And what’s more disturbing is that, thanks to two completely unrelated blogs (one involving bubble wrap and the other involving my daughter informing a hot mom about the anatomical differences between boys and girls) my Really Cute Story blog page shows up on the first Google search page in amongst links for STD treatment centers and acne medications.

“vortex in Pennsylvania”­ – Oh my God, somebody else noticed it too, that the area we live in is home to a strange and mysterious Generation vorteX where people between the age of 25 and 35 simply do not exist?

“quadratic formula nigger”­ – Geez, I didn’t realize mathematicians were such racists. Well thanks to two more unrelated stories, he found my Humor Column Archives. Hopefully he learned to hate a little less and use his graphing calculator a little more.

“twenty man orgy” – Yet again, what’s most disturbing is that a page from my Road Trip shows up on the FIRST Google page for this query. Why people would click on MY page when the rest of the results were so obviously what they were looking for is once again beyond me.

“vacant stare generation” – Wow, what a great name for a bunch of idiot kids who don’t even know what a Yellow Pages is, as I found out while looking for The Games We Play.

“did anybody on saved by the bell smoke pot” – Nah, those Bayside kids would never sink so low. That was for all those losers over at Valley. Of course, if they’d gone to my high school and been involved with our High School Groupings, things might have been different.

“smoking paper towel inhale” – Really? Truly? Somebody else thought to try this too? You mean it wasn’t just me and my lame idea during My Days as a Smoker?

“horses are for sissies” – Some anti-cowboy surfer apparently wanted somebody to back him up on this one. Instead he learned about the good old days When Niggers were Jerks and FAGGOTS were Sissies.

“eye patch gay hairy” – Yikes, what kind of pirate porn was this guy looking for? Doesn’t he know you can see that stuff for free if you go to the Renaissance Faire like I did in Campfires, Wenches and Interstate Tourists?

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Ah, that’s always fun. Hope you enjoyed it too and that it opened you up to some writing you might have previously overlooked. Okay, back to work.

To whet your appetite

It's 1am, I'm exhausted and fried from editing all night. Don't have the brain capacity to edit anything else. But I also have two cups of coffee coursing through my veins and ain't falling asleep anytime soon. So I figured I'd be SEMI-productive and post a little sneak peak at what's to come in ROAD TRIP - WEEK FOUR. This snippet has a little bit of everything, history, narrative, commentary, self-righteous preaching. It's a good example of what you can expect, hopefully, within the next month when I, hopefully, post the final chapter of the Road Trip on my site.

So... enjoy.

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Caused by a freak surge of magma that cooled and fractured under the ground sixty million years ago, Devil's Tower is truly a sight to behold. Ribbed all around with deep grooves - like a paper fan turned into a cylinder - it stands alone, surrounded for miles by small hills and grassland, and looking as out of place in Wyoming as the Monument Rocks do in Kansas - which, as we recall, look as out of place as a desert in the state of Maine (which incidentally also exists). But where the Monument Rocks rise a mere seventy or so feet off the ground, this lone sentinel towers nearly nine hundred feet above you; looming, ominous and downright eerie.

According to a Native American legend, two young girls were out walking one day when a giant grizzly bear started chasing them. They ran from the bear for a while until they could run no more, at which point they stopped and prayed to the Great Spirit for help. That Old Guy really knew how to grant a wish because just as the bear was about to pounce on the two girls, the ground they were standing on began to rise and lift them into the air out of the grizzly's reach. Enraged, the great beast jumped and scratched at the new obtrusion, leaving behind his claw marks in the rock. Other legends suggest that the enormous supernatural bear still lives inside the monolith and has come to the aid of tribes against enemy war parties. Local tribes have variously named the site Bear's Lodge, Bear's House, Bear's Lair, Bear's Peak and Bear's Tipi. Other names included Aloft on a Rock, Mythic-Owl Mountain, Tree Rock and, interestingly enough, Penis Rock. The obelisk and surrounding area became a deeply holy place to more than twenty tribes who lived here. Every kind of sacred ceremony - funerals, prayer offerings, sweat lodge ceremonies, vision quests, sun dances - were performed here.

So I suppose it was only a matter of time before some white guy came along and desecrated the whole thing. And that's essentially what Colonel Richard Dodge did when he arrived with a regiment of soldiers searching for gold in 1875. He took one look at the strangely shaped mountain and called it "Devils Tower." And for reasons I wouldn't be able to fathom if they weren't so familiar and characteristic of over five hundred years worth of American history, that is the name they used when the tower was dedicated as the nation's first national monument in 1906. I suppose Devil's Tower just sounded cooler and was better for marketing, but could you imagine if somebody decided to rename the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem, "Place of the Bastard"? What if we changed Dome of the Rock in Jerusalem to "Satan's Ridge"? Or for that matter, how about if they changed the name of Stonehenge to "Jesus' Circle" or the Parthenon to "Trinity Plaza"? How long before somebody, religious or not, stepped up and said, "You know what, that's just not right."

There have been a few feeble attempts made by various Native American groups to have the tower returned to its original name, Bear Lodge. These have been met with resistance, anger and outright ignorance by people who are afraid the renaming is merely a way of masking a deeper agenda: namely returning control of the tower back to the local tribes. God forbid. But that fight has largely been buried and you'd have to do a fair amount of digging to read anything of substance about it. After all, nobody really wants to know about anything American Indians are trying to accomplish unless it involves building another casino.

No, when it comes to Devil's Tower, what interests people most - far from any minor Indian corpse-raping for the sake of preserving the Christian-American way of life - is the fact that this was the location where the aliens landed in Steven Spielberg's blockbuster, Close Encounters of the Third Kind. That's why we came here. Well, that's why I came here. Lauren could honestly have given a damn. But we'd just spent an entire week stopping at about every lighthouse along the Pacific seaboard, so now it was her turn to indulge my petty obsessions. I don't know why exactly I wanted to see Devil's Tower. I never really liked Close Encounters all that much and, to be perfectly honest, couldn't even remember what the movie's key location looked like. I think my motivations were more along the lines of simply being able to send postcards back to all my movie geek friends who would appreciate where I'd been. People who would recognize the location immediately and say, "Holy shit, I didn't even realize that was a real place!"

I was honestly expecting just another mountain. A lone mountain standing out in the middle of prairie, but a mountain nonetheless. Well even from a good ten miles away, it was obvious that Devil's Tower was not just another a mountain. Even the Rocky Mountains, which shoot straight up out of the plains, still have the everyday features of mountains; slopes, peaks, uniform angles. Devil's Tower on the other hand had an irregularly curved, almost logarithmic, pitch culminating in a wide flat top and looking more like the smokestack to a nuclear power plant than anything naturally occurring. But it's not until you get closer and see the tower's signature grooves, which really do look like they were put there by giant bear claws, that you begin to realize just what intrigued the Indians so much about this place.

There was nobody manning the Devil's Tower entrance station and we probably could have driven in without paying the ten-dollar fee, but we paid it anyway knowing somebody had to help keep the park service funded, since it certainly wouldn't be the United States government. Though in retrospect, I would much rather have given that ten dollars to any grassroots Native American movement who wanted only to reclaim something that means far more to them than it does to the Department of the Interior. The park road circles around the tower, passing alongside a rather large prairie dog town on the way, and ending at a parking lot and trailhead. After Lauren made use of the bathroom, we made our way onto the Tower Trail, a 1.3-mile loop around the national monument's main focal point.

At the risk of being annoyingly repetitive, a red flag went up in my head as soon as I saw how easily accessible from the parking lot this place was. It was like begging punks and interstate tourists, "Paint on me, litter on me, ruin me for everyone else." But Devil's Tower is saved from this fate by several factors. As I said before, this place is incredibly out of the way by most any standard. And unlike Yellowstone National Park on the other side of the state, there actually isn't that much to see here. There aren't dozens of turnouts each offering a different panoramic view of mountains, cliffs and canyons. There aren't bubbling mud pots or big holes that shoot water into the air at regular intervals. At Devil's Tower, all you get is the tower. And you can see that from your car from the main road. Most car bound tourists probably don't feel the need to walk over a mile around the big thing to get the idea. They drive in (shirking the entrance fee most likely) take a picture from the parking lot, maybe walk a few dozen feet into the trail to take a picture that isn't obstructed by trees, then head back to their car and back to the interstate less than thirty miles away. The tower is spared the disrespect of more committed tourists and vandals by a very natural, very formidable barrier: rocks. All around the base, separating the walking trail from the main tower by a good two hundred feet are piles and piles of boulders. You'd have to do some pretty serious, and often dangerous, scrambling to actually get to the tower and spray-paint or carve something onto it - which would likely be too small to see from the trail anyway - after which you'd have to climb your way back down without twisting an ankle.

The Tower Trail retained the perfect combination of convenience and beauty without the requisite ruination that usually accompanies it. Lauren and I enjoyed our leisurely walk, having the trail mostly to ourselves. The scale of this thing was truly impossible to express, much less capture on film, but I was determined to try. Under that guise of research and exhibition, I left Lauren on the trail and started scrambling up the boulder pile. It was as good excuse as any. The truth is, I love scrambling. I missed scrambling. It was an activity I had engaged in often during my time in California. One time while hiking through a desert canyon, I took a wrong turn that dead-ended into a tall mountain of boulders. Rather than attempting the tedious and probably futile process of retracing my steps and rediscovering the trail, I simply started climbing. Up and over the mountain on a more or less direct route back to my car. Sure, it was harder going, but it was way more fun than just trudging along on flat even ground. Lauren knew this about me, so when I suggested climbing to the top of the Devil's Tower boulder pile for the sake of a picture, she simply gave me a knowing smile and said, "Go ahead."

And so I climbed. I jumped. I scampered. I reveled. Up, up, up, I went as high as I could go without the assistance of climbing gear. From the trail, Lauren snapped a picture as close up as the camera's lens would allow, which showcased far better the scope of this place than any full length shot could have accomplished. At first glance, the picture just looks like a close-up of rocks at the tower's base. We often have to point out to others the tiny little person standing at the bottom of the picture. "Yeah, that would be me." Even at the very top of the rock pile, I was still a good fifty feet short of where the grooved part of the tower actually starts, a sheer rock wall preventing me from going any further.

I was surprised to find out that mountain climbing is actually allowed on Devil's Tower, and I have never wished more that I had taken the time and money to learn how to do it. How awesome it must be to scale that nearly vertical pitch. To make it to the top. To camp out high above the world on a throne the size of a football field. To share that kingdom with only the falcons and the eagles who nest up there as well. I can't imagine a more powerful feeling. I'm not sure what process is involved in the naming of a climbing path, but judging by some of the actual names in the trail register - Spank the Monkey; Calculus Affair; Pee Pee's Plunge; Ants On Angel Food; See You In Soho; Billie Bear Cranks the Rod - I suspect it is not the park service coming up with them.

We weren't able to see it, but there is apparently a metal rung ladder running the entire vertical length of the tower that has hung there for untold generations. Back in the days when this place still belonged to the Indians, it was considered a rite of passage, a sign of manhood to climb that ladder all the way to the top. No ropes, no carabineers, no room for mistakes. Just a solid steel set of balls and, I imagine, a strict warning not to look down. And after you actually got the top, manhood proven and all that, then you had to climb back down. My god, my palms are sweating even now just thinking about it. If that didn't get a brave laid back in the day, there was something seriously wrong with women in that society. Though it kind of makes you wonder, if the legend of this place is true, how did those first two girls get down from this thing after the giant bear finally left?

Labels-n-stuff

Hey readers, if you look closely at the bottom of each post, you'll find something new. Labels. My blog provider just upgraded their technology I guess so I have access to this new widget. Basically, I've lumped each blog into one or several categories. If you want to read more blogs from one of those categories, just click on it and it will bring up every other blog with that label attached to it. G'head, give it a try.

WTF Wiki-guys?

I had no idea that Wikipedians were such freaks. To be honest, until about a week ago, I had no idea there was such a thing as Wikipedians. I'm currently researching an article about Wikipedia, specifically the people who spend hours upon hours every week writing, editing, correcting and fixing the articles that appear on it... for no pay mind you. There's apparently a whole subculture of these people who do this simply for the sheer joy of contributing to a collective mass of knowledge. And a lot of them apparently use the site the way the rest of us use MySpace. They have profiles with long About Me sections, they incorporate sometimes dozens of internet memes, they have running dialogues with other users similar to the comments section of MySpace.

Honestly, rather than horrifying me, the whole idea intrigued the hell out of me which is why I decided to write about it. But I swear to you, with exactly one exception, every single Wikipedia user who has contacted me about this article has been A FREAK! Either they want me to expose some kind of conspiracy theory they've formulated (which incidentally has nothing to do with the site itself) or else they're just all around suspicious of why I'm asking them these weird questions, like they think I'm going to expose them to... whoever. One particular teenager who I just got an email from two days ago has already emailed me back asking essentially why the article isn't published yet!

I really don't get it guys. I really want to be on your side here, but it seems as though the worst among you is representing the whole body here. If anybody is interested in being a part of this article, e-mail me through this site and tell me about your experiences with Wikipedia and we'll go from there. But please, for the love of god, don't make me hate the whole lot of you.

WHAT'S NEW

Hey readers, brandy new stuff is up on the What's New page. Twenty-five pages worth of new stuff actually... though don't worry my screen weary travelers, I've provided a printer friendly version of it as well.

New stuff coming, I swear

Okay, so remember the essay I alluded to in my last post, saying I hoped to have it up by the weekend... this past weekend as a matter of fact?

Well... it's still not there, and I know I haven't updated much in the last month, and that's becaues all my effort has been going toward this essay - plus other paid work as well which obviously takes priority. Well the essay, which recounts a weekend spent camping, hiking and reveling at the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire took on a life of its own. It's nearly as long as one of my Road Trip Weeks. In fact it will end up being the longest thing on this website after the Road Trip once it's up. As of now it's only in rough draft. I'll be editing and webpaging it over the next week at which point I'll post it for your reading pleasure. Sorry to all my devoted fans (all six of you) who I know I have been neglecting. I hope the end result will be worth your wait.

But hang in there. I swear it's coming.

You write one column with the word "lesbian" in it...

A few years ago I used to write a somewhat weekly column for an online e-zine called the Greenwich Village Gazette. I eventualy stopped writing for them after I'd created my own website simply because they were a pain to deal with - posted things incorrectly, screwed up links, etc. The last thing I ever wrote for them was what I considered to be a witty and sarcastic column about a court ruling in New Hampshire that said if a woman cheated on her husband with another woman, it wasn't considered adultery. I went off on not only the ludicrousness of the law, but also on the gay and lesbian community's official response, which I thought came off as incredibly self-serving and unsympathetic.

Apparently my article is still very much circulating the cosmos, because in the last week alone I have gotten close to a dozen emails about it. Curious, I typed in a few choice keywords and found that it has been posted, either in its entirety or as excerpts, on several blogs and news sites. Depending on who was posting, or on who was writing me emails, people were either giving me big old "Amens" or calling me an outright homophobe. The column certainly wasn't intended to come off as homophobic, simply pointing out hypocrisy where hypocrisy lay. If I were going to comment on anything here, it would be about how sloppily written the piece was... I've grown a lot as a writer since then. So, I could have been put off by those homophobia comments if not for the fact that a good majority of gay people who have written me in the last week, and in the past few years, regarding this column have echoed my sentiments, telling me I'm right on the ball: "Adultery is adultery."

It has also been really interesting seeing how people place assumptions on what I must believe based on this article. Depending on their point of view and their frame of mind, people have both commended and derided me because I obviously am in support of gay marriage, or else they have commended and derided me because I obviously don't consider gay relationships to be as valid as straight ones. Regardless of what I believe when it comes to those things, it's rather amusing watching on fire people use my 800 word essay as a springboard for their own conflicting points of view.

Anyway, I was just rather amused that something I wrote nearly 3 years ago was still circulating the internet and igniting such ire and passion in people. If you want to check out the original piece, you can follow one of the two following links and then tell me if you think I come off as homophobic(?), right on the money(?), badly written(?):

Greenwich Village Gazette Column

Hey Guess What Column

ROAD TRIP!!!

Hey readers, Week Three of the Road Trip is finally up! Check out the What's New page now!

New Stuff

Hey readers, new stuff on the What's New page.

What's New

Hey readers, semi-new stuff on the What's New page.

Fun with Webstats

It's a slow day at work today and I've been perusing the stats for my website. Of particular interest to me are the phrases people type into search engines that bring them to my site. Here are some of my favorites and the pages I can only assume it linked them to.

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"fag test" - I can't believe there are other people out there who actually remember the fag test, but they were in good company reading my tongue-in-cheek column, When "Niggers" Were Jerks and "Faggots" were Sissies.

"nigger humor" - I'm honestly appalled that there are people out there who would actually type this into a search engine, but I assume it brought them to the same piece.

"Jerry Stiller hernia" - I find it funny that people find this interesting enough to look up. What's funnier still is that due to two completely unrelated entries on my old What's New Blog, they found my site.

"dewey decimal kama sutra" - To the dirty librarian who typed this one, all I can say is "Yeah Baby", and come look me up as soon as you're done reading Dewey Decimal Surfing.

"what is a pre-op enema" - I don't know what they told you, but it's all gonna be just fine my friend, I promise you. In the meantime Pick a Weird Al Title and cheer up.

"quadratic formula humor" - I can't tell you how happy it makes me that there are other people in the world who find the quadratic formula just as funny as I did in my column Fractals and Traffic Jams.

"tiny penis girls laughed" - Hang in there buddy. It's not how big it is. It's how small YOU are. We all know that. But that doesn't stop the girls from being cruel the way I learned on My Night on Bourbon Street does it?

"how to play tag gool" - I'm so happy I'm not the only one who recognizes the word "gool" and the fact that all is fair In Love and Tag.

"sugar tree raking balls" - I honestly don't know what this phrase means, and when you put them into your search engine without quotation marks it brings you to After the Foilage where every word is used, but not in the context (or order) this phrase conjures up.

"bathrooms along route 160 new mexico" - Um... okay... so... I know we use the internet to look up pretty much everything these days... but honestly... If you're on a Road Trip, let's just leave a few things to our sense of discovery.

"girls sucking on pee pees" - I particularly love this special brand of pervert who wants to see pictures of girls giving head, but doesn't actually want to come right out and say words like d---, c--- or schl---. Either way, again thanks to an unfortunate combination of words that had nothing to do with each other, this poor soul wound up at my Humor Column Archives. Sorry to disappoint dude.

"f--- kathy hodges" and "lauren hodges f---ing" - I don't know who Kathy Hodges is or why this guy was intersted in f---ing her and my wife, but I'm sure he was disappointed to wind up reading my very tender essay about The Day Allison Was Born

"the simple lifestyles of hippie tree huggers" - Ah yes those simple hippies and their trees. But once again, multiple unrelated words on a page add up to another inadvertant hit to my Humor Column Archives.

"spongy carrots" - I don't know what's more amazing - that somebody was actually trying to look up spongy carrots, or that my Hot Lunch Uprising came up almost number one on a google search of it.

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Ah the joys of essentially useless technology in the hands of a bored man whose boss is away. Hope you had as much fun as I did.

Science Stuff

I've been getting actual paid writing work lately, writing short scripts for a series of science videos. It's actually been pretty interesting work, my assignment being to present various science topics in a "fun hip way." My first assignment was for Quantum Theory. Yeah, I know. How does one make THAT fun? Actually, you'd be surprised how much the subject lends itself to humor though, simply because of the fact that it defies logic, and even the scientists themselves who study it admit that it makes no sense. If you ever want a bit of a head trip, find a book that presents the topic in an accessible way. Be prepared though to still be utterly confused. At the same time, it will be an eye-opening, if a little bit trippy, read.

The new assignment I'm working on is for Mind and Brain. It's not nearly as mind-bending as Quantum Theory was, but it's still an interesting subject to learn about. For instance, the part of our brains that is involved in emotions, the limbic system, is an area that's actually used for SMELL in "lower" animals. But through evolution, we decided to develop our hearing and sight senses moreso than smell. So now the scent part of the limbic system is virtually non-existant. The rest of it seems to be given over to emotions. Ever wonder why dogs and other animals can smell so well compared to us? It's because what they're using for smell, we're using for love, hate, jealousy, embarrassment... all senses they have no use for.

It's truly fascinating stuff and it's giving me a throwback to a book I recommend often, "How the Mind Works" by Steven Pinker. That book is all about how evolution shaped the mind and how every little thing we think and feel is merely the byproduct of natural selection and survival of the fittest. Again, I'm not completely sure how sold I am on the whole evolution deal. Even moreso, now that I've read a lot about how it supposedly works. It just seems far too complex and based on chance and impossible odds to have worked out... and to KEEP working out the way it apparently does. But either way, that book is a fascinating read and gives you some good insight into... well, how the mind works. It's a little hard to get into at first. There's a lot of heady material that you have to weed through at the beginning that the author uses to set up the rest of the book, but once he gets going, his ideas will make your head spin.

Ah, the ease of it all...

I finally got fed up with the annoyingness of it all... html, ftp, creating, posting, formatting. Having to do it all manually step by step on my computer caused me to put off posting unless I really had something big to say. And the longer I waited, the bigger the thing was that I felt I had to say. So I would put it off for longer. Now, with the joy and ease of web-based editing, posting and archiving, I don't have to worry about any of that. Sure we lose the fancy and much-loved Hey-Guess-What buttons and layout while we're here, but at least it will guarantee that I'll update more often. With the simple click of a mouse I can log in, shoot off a quick thought and post it without all the annoying drudgery that comes with creating a whole new page from scratch.

Plus now you too can post comments for immediate viewing and let me know what you think of the site, pieces I've posted, or the random things I'll be saying here. Keep it clean though. While I may curse from time to time on here, I'll delete anything that's blatantly derogatory. I don't care if you disagree with me, in fact I encourage an open dialogue. But sound intelligent. If you sound like a drunken frat boy whose only grasp of the English language involves new and interesting expletives describing the male and female genitalia, then I'm just going to delete you.

So I hope you, my adoring fans enjoy this new foray, and will bear with me while I work out the bugs. Check in often, and don't worry, I'll keep you updated on updates to the main site as well.