6/30/03
MY CALIFORNIA TRIP - PART 1
3 PAGES

Okay, so I'm finally sitting down and writing about the trip to California and the desert.

I had been really missing LA for the longest time. Pretty much since the first month I was in New Jersey I've had thoughts of wanting to move back. I had thoughts of longing. There was so much that I missed about LA. I always tempered these statements with the statement, "Though I'm sure that if I moved back I'd be sick of it and want to move out again." It was a true enough statement, but parts of me wondered. Now that I had moved away and was able to get some perspective on it from a distance, would I really still hate it if I moved back. Or would I not let the bad parts get to me and just enjoy what there was to enjoy about the area.

One hour on the ground and it all came flooding back to me. It wasn't anything specific. Lauren and I were heading north out of LAX on the 405. There wasn't really any bad traffic or anything. Nothing specific that would put this thought in my head. It was more like, you know how certain songs or smells will jog old memories and it's like you can actually relive a certain event right then and there because of the senses that are being stimulated? That's how it was here. Just the look, the smell, the feel of the air, everything reminded my senses of what it meant to be in LA. And it was all bad. None of the good things I had been pining for came back to me now. I just remembered how sick this city made me. The people, the mentality, the lifestyle. Everything. No, I affirmed after only an hour, I could never live here. Visit, sure. Live, no.

First thing me and Lauren did was head into the valley to the place where I knew for sure I could find an In-n-Out Burger. I had hyped up this place so much to Lauren and I was worried that I had allowed absence make my own heart grow so much fonder as to cloud my perception. I was worried that it would never live up to what I had built it up to be for Lauren… me too for that matter. But no, the reputation was a well-earned one. The burgers were just as good as I remembered and Lauren too was an instant fan.

We headed into Hollywood, walked the walk of fame for a bit and then went to see "The Matrix" at Mann's Chinese theater. Actually, it's Grauman's Chinese now. Well, actually actually, it's Grauman's ONCE AGAIN. Even just walking around the cheap dirty little neighborhood of Hollywood reminded me of everything that sucked about this town. Everything is the entertainment industry. People don't have real lives here. It's all a show. It's all about show business. Even the people who aren't trying to break into show business, it's still a show. I can't explain it. All I know is that it made my stomach turn when I lived here and the nausea was once again starting to set in.

It was good to see my old friends again. They've all matured. I say that with all due irony considering I'm like 2 or 3 years younger than most of them. We went out to the karaoke bar across the street from Warner Brothers, "Dimples." Good Lord, I was reminded of something else that I'd completely forgotten about while living in LA. There are women in LA who are physically PERFECT. And I don't mean that in any kind of piggish, chauvanistic way. There really and truly are women out in LA who have achieved physical perfection. Granted, it is the generic Hollywood we're-told-women-are-suppose-to-look-like-this perfection, but still. And yes, for sure, a good percentage of their bodies are not NATURALLY perfect. But whether it be nature or science, there are women out here who look far better than any human being could ever possibly look.

I seriously forgot that it was like that. I knew that there was a higher percentage of good-looking people in LA, because again, everything is showbiz and everybody is about putting on a display, so either the beautiful people just flock here, or the regular people already here realize that they had better look good, so they put a lot of energy into it. It's really true when you hear people ranking women on their looks and they differentiate between a woman who is a 10, and a woman who is an "LA 10." A 10 in New York, really could be a 9 or lower in LA.

I think that was another good reason to stay out of LA for me personally. You live in that long enough and you start believing that women really should look like that… all the time. And if you happen to be an AVERAGE looking guy, you ain't getting women who look like that. So it's a very frustrating environment to live in. So, that's another good reason to stay away from that city - keep my realities in check.

The trip out to the desert was a good one, though a little disenchanting. As much as I always had said I could live in the desert, I now know that I cannot. I somehow forgot to remember that I had really only gone to the desert during the fall, winter and spring. But desert in May… Oh my god. And sure, people will try and tell you, "Well it's a dry heat. No humidity to make it feel hotter." Yes, but that dry heat is very oppressive. You can just feel it weighing down on you. Maybe you're not sweating as much, but boy oh boy, you can just feel the sun like bitch-slapping you. That heat just swells around you the second you open your door.

But some things were just the way I remember them. Perfect. For instance, sunset in the desert. That's when things are the most beautiful. Sunset. The rocks just take on this orange-pink glow. The first full day out there, I took a car ride up I-10 to the east entrance of Joshua Tree park. It was around 6pm when I left and I got to the entrance around 7. The good thing about Joshua Tree in summer is there are very few people there. I got off the interstate and just sat there on the road for a minute or so, just listening to the wind that always seems to pick up around this time of day no matter what time of year. It's a wind that I've always sworn I could hear voices in. No not voices, just one voice. The voice of God. Ever so gently, it seems to whisper words that are just barely beyond your comprehension. It's like you can just barely make out what they are saying but then it slips away. It's a truly surreal and spiritual experience.

So, I headed into the park. I had made myself a CD special for this trip. I named it "Desert Solitaire" and it's just a collection of really chilled out drift away songs that I thought would compliment my desert drives well. And they didn't disappoint. If you ever have the opportunity to drive through the desert while listening to Van Halen's "Right Now" I highly suggest it. That beginning part with the piano just made my heart flutter as I drove, the rocks and mountains whipping past me. The sun coloring them that mystical color. You can't help but feel like you're going to get some kind of divine revelation when you're out here at this time of day when everything is cooling down and silent. So silent. Except for the wind. And now, Van Halen.

When we shot our road trip movie back in 99 after I graduated, there was a scene we shot in Joshua where one of the characters throws a picture frame into the desert and then runs out and stomps on it. I'm pretty sure we left the frame out there. And I always used to joke that some day, some archaeologist was going to find that picture frame in the middle of the desert and speculate as to why it was there. Well, I decided that I wanted to find that picture frame. I drove along looking out at the desert. The location was burned on my brain. I was pretty sure I'd recognize it when I saw it. And then I did. I pulled the car over and got out. I was sure that this was where it was. I walked out to where I thought we'd shot the scene. It was a flat part of land with no trees. Enough flat space for the character to get a running start and run up and smash the frame with his foot. I paced back and forth, swiping at the ground with my foot, trying to catch a glint of light at it reflected off a broken piece of glass.

I couldn't find anything. I looked out at the car. From where I was standing, I was nearly positive that I was standing in the right spot. I can remember the shot. I can remember how we shot it. I had the camera at ground level and Bob, the character through the frame at the camera. Jason, the director had a second frame which he then dropped right in front of the camera to make it seem as though Bob had thrown it perfectly there. Then Bob ran up and stomped on it. Squatting down and looking back at the car, the view was exactly the same as the shot in the movie. I mean exactly. It was eerie how similar it was. How familiar it was after 4 years. This had to be the place. And yet there was no sign of the frame. Nothing.

Later, after I returned to Philadelphia, I made a point to put in the movie and watch that scene. And now, I'm not sure what to think. Where I was standing in the desert, looking back at the car, there was a small bare tree behind the car on the other side of the road. But in the movie, there was no tree. Could a tree have grown that quickly in the desert? It wasn't a very big or full tree. Maybe 4 years could have produced a tree like that. But if so, then what of the frame. Even if we took the frame with us, I know we didn't spend the time picking up each individual piece of glass. So where was it? I had really hoped that I would find the frame. It would have been such an awesome connection and look into the past. But, with daylight wasting, I walked back to the car and drove on.

The sun set as I sped through the two-lane desert road through the park and listened to songs like, "Two Step" by Dave Matthews, "Seminole Wind" by John Anderson, "South of I-10" by Sonny Landreth, "Willin'" by Little Feat, "Turn the Page" by Bob Seger. Songs that just make me think desert. Isolation. Drifters. Wandering strangers. Life on the blue collar side of civilization. The kind of life that you can't experience by working in an office in a 9-5 job in one place your entire life.

more to come…