The average web-surfer's attention span is what, thirty seconds? That gives me just over one second per year. Okay, Go!

I was born and raised in the tiny rural town of Troy, Maine. I wanted to be an astronaut my entire childhood - except for those weeks when I watched Rambo and decided that I actually wanted to be a spy.

My family got its first camcorder when I was in sixth grade, and I was hooked immediately. From that point on, my dream was to work in film and television. In a small-town high school where sports were everything, that didn't translate into huge amounts of popularity, but I got through it just fine.

I went to Boston's Emerson College where I produced and won awards for several video productions, ultimately earning my bachelors degree in Television Production. Imagine, a major where watching TV was actually considered homework!

 

After graduation, I traveled all over the United States for a month, shooting an independent film with some college buddies. It turned out to be the best month of my life.

I moved to Los Angeles thereafter to try my hand at the whole Hollywood thing. Working for a lit agency representing screenwriters, I quickly caught the writing bug. But the smog, the traffic and (mostly) the people were finally just too much to take.

So I packed up my Geo Metro and moved to New Jersey two years later… which really wasn't all that much of an improvement. I bounced from job to job, putting in time as a waiter, a sporting goods salesman, a data entry drone, and ultimately a production manager in New York City.

 

But I met and married the woman of my dreams, Lauren Fernandez - she took my name. We are currently living just outside Philadelphia (which of course is Latin for "City of the worst racial tension and highest taxes I've ever seen"), where Lauren just received her masters degree in midwifery. Our daughter, Allison was born on May 14.

I am currently putting my Television degree to use at Prime to Go, providing on-site tech support for Avid® editing systems. I haven't lost the writing bug though. I spend most of my off-hours pursuing a dream of one day being a famous writer - or at least one who can pay the bills.

My passions in life are hiking, roadtrips, middle of nowhere places, and experiencing anything that leads to self-discovery (even though mom told me that it would make me go blind).

Comedic-ly, my influences include Jean Shepherd, Bill Bryson, Dave Barry, Bill Cosby and George Carlin (before he turned into a bitter old man). I love and emulate anybody who doesn't rely on "telling jokes", but instead allows the funny to flow naturally from the stories they tell.