3/16/06

"It's like, if you're nice to them, they bring you things?" –Viveka Davis, PCU
I've never seen this woman in another role, and even in this she has the dubious character name of "Womynist #1". But this throwaway line uttered by a man-hatting feminazi who is just finally learning a few basic things about men always makes me laugh outloud.

"If you were any less black, you'd be clear." –Taye Diggs, Go
It's too bad this line is delivered with other people talking over him, but in some ways it gives it even more credibility as the token black guy in this movie sets a wannabe-black white guy straight.

"Bam! A fuckin' bullet rips off part of your head. Your brains are layin' on the ground in little bloody pieces. Now I axe ya. Would you give a fuck what kind of pants the sonofabitch who shot ya was wearin'?" –Marisa Tomei , My Cousin Vinny
This one nearly couldn't make my list because it was obviously written with the intent to be repeated. Then again, maybe it was Marissa Tomei's perfect delivery that makes us unable to forget this gem. Either way, the fact that she liberally uses the F-word all throughout this movie will probably relegate all her quotes to AFI obscurity, so I felt compelled to include it here.

"So what I told you was true, from a certain point of view." –Alec Guinness, Return of the Jedi
I don't think many people truly appreciate just how important this line is in movie history. It proved to every fledgling director and screenwriter that your story didn't have to remain a cohesive tale from beginning to end. If there were ANY lapses in logic (say telling a kid that a evil man killed his father, only to later find out that the evil man IS his father), those lapses can be smoothed out by having an older respected actor deliver the crappy line that's supposed to clear it all up. No, that's not sarcasm you detect. NEVER!

1/8/06

"We'll be drinking margaritas by the sea mamacita" –Susan Sarandon, Thelma & Louise
This is such a subtlely heart wrenching line from this movie as the two fugitives discuss their dreams and their future with the unspoken understanding that they both know it's never actually going to happen.

"We're going to press on, and we're going to have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tapdanced with Danny fuckin' Kaye." –Chevy Chase, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
This is one of my favorite uses of the F-bomb in a movie simply because they don't use it the entire film until this one prime hilarious moment to show just how much Clark Griswold has lost his mind.

"Fixed the nule post." –Chevy Chase, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Another line from the same movie which on paper looks like nothing except for the fact that it follows Clark taking a chainsaw to his own bannister.

"So if you're into chicks, do you just look at yourself naked all the time?" –Jason Lee, Chasing Amy
Jason Lee wasn't the lead character but he had all the best lines in this Kevin Smith movie, including this one, said to the title lesbian in a moment that is both incredibly inappropriate and incredibly funny... and when you think about it, really is a valid question that you wish you had the guts to ask.

7/17/05

"I carried a watermelon?" –Jennifer Grey, Dirty Dancing
"Nobody puts Baby in the corner," is the line that made AFI's top 100 list, but this one sounds much less contrived and is equally as classic... and yes I do feel dumb that I consider moments from this movie to be classic so shut up okay.

"Yeah, but they were all bad." –Arnold Schwarzenegger, True Lies
"I'll be back," is the line this man will always be known for but this line, where Harry Tasker tries to justify to his wife (who just found out that he's a spy) the fact that he has killed people will always be one of my favorites.

7/11/05

“You made a woman meow?” –Bruno Kirby, When Harry Met Sally
While most people will always remember the famous “I’ll have what she’s having” line from the deli scene, this line to me was always the funniest and under-quoted line from the whole movie.

“I don’t really like to talk about my flair.” –Jennifer Anniston, Office Space
Another movie with plenty of great quotes to choose from, this one stands out to me because it is a classic representation of this cult classic without sounding so movie quote-ish.

“We’re on the honor system.” –Brian Glover, Alien 3
This one is all about context as it is said by the warden after announcing that there are no weapons available in his maximum security prison full of serial murderers and rapists.

“You’re all gonna die.  The only question is how you check out.  Do you want it on your feet… or on your fuckin’ knees… begging?  I ain’t much for begging.  Nobody ever gave me nothin’.  So I say fuck that thing!  Let’s fight it!” –Charles S. Dutton, Alien 3
An awesome and under-appreciated speech from the most under-appreciated chapter of the Alien saga.

“Yep.” –Dan Aykroyd, Ghostbusters
Again, it’s all about the context.  What makes this single word great is that it’s deadpan delivery after Bill Murray’s more-oft-quoted: “Why worry?  Each of us has an unlicensed nuclear accelerator strapped to his back.”

“Great, you done cut the dick off a statue.” –Martin Lawrence, Nothing to Lose
Context or not, this is just a damn funny line.

“Hey Dad, wanna have a catch?” –Kevin Costner, Field of Dreams
“If you build it he will come” may be the one people remember from this film, but this line is the one that jerks those tears right out of you.

“Oh shit man, I shot Marvin in the face.” –John Travolta, Pulp Fiction
Another movie full of great lines, this is the line that is funny yet not too movie quote-ish.