© 2003 Brian Hodges - Please do not remove the copyright from this essay

ollege was a special time in our lives. It was the only place where, in one day, we could wake up after eleven, watch cartoons, discuss the path to world peace, take a nap, critique the complete works of Flavius Josephus, drink a case of beer, draw parallels between Hamlet and South Park, then go home, eat an entire box of Mac-n-Cheese with a plastic knife off of a frisbee, while making plans to subvert the government between bong hits. It was the only time in our lives when being broke wasn’t a hindrance. After blowing our fifty-dollar work study on Korn tickets, we would simply steal food from the cafeteria, download entire CD’s via the school’s high speed network, and derive hours of addictively free entertainment by watching Jerry Springer marathons.

And if there were three or four new movies worth seeing, we simply headed on down to the multiplex and movie hopped.

When executed properly, movie hopping often saved us as much as fifteen dollars. That translated into like ten thousand packets of Ramen noodles. The basic idea was to get to the theater early in the day, buy one ticket, then stay and watch as many movies as was humanly possible. At the end of the day, we’d limp out, asses numb, eyes fried out of the sockets, but not without a sense of accomplishment.

Still, movie hopping was never something we entered into lightly. It required research, planning, and strength of character.

First step: Recon. We knew our targets intimately. Most multiplexes are split into two wings. We always knew where the ticket-takers were in relation to the theaters. The various movies we desired were often playing on opposite wings. A theater with ticket-checking guards at each wing would have foiled our plans. It was always best to seek out the theaters with only one ticket-taker at the main entrance, allowing us to move freely once inside.

Second step: Using the system to our advantage. Many a novice movie hopper has simply gone to the theater and tried to wing it, causing them to either a) miss the first half-hour of a movie, or b) wait around two hours for the next movie to start. Before heading to the theater it was important to always dial Mr. Moviephone and get show times, running times and theater numbers for every film we would be hopping. In mere minutes, we could plan our order of attack. At H-Hour we would leave one movie and walk right into the next, just in time to catch the opening credits.

Third step: Provisions. Movie hopping was always a long and draining process. We made sure to fill our backpacks with cookies, chips, Twinkies, Ho-Ho’s and anything else that would sustain us throughout the day. Often, we would forgo bringing drinks with us, knowing that the theater always gave free refills on large sodas. We’d all split the cost of one soda (we were very close) then send up a different guy each time to top off. It gave us the strength to stick out the entire day.

After four years of perfecting my craft, my crowning achievement was the day I managed to cram X-Men, Scary Movie, The Patriot and The Perfect Storm into one very long, near-debilitating session.

Last weekend, I went movie hopping for the first time in three years. Sadly, it just wasn’t the same. My plan had originally been to see Lord of the Rings, Gangs of New York, and About Schimdt. Thank God I had the good sense to realize I’m not twenty-one anymore.

I did all the research ahead of time, but then violated the central tenet of movie hopping. I paid for all my movies. Conscience. Plus, I just couldn’t bring myself to sneak around like a cat burglar anymore. One of the side effects of maturing and finding Jesus I guess. I also only bought tickets for About Schmidt and Lord of the Rings, figuring I’d start off light and see how I felt later in the day.

By the end of About Schmidt, I was starting to feel the pangs of tiredness setting in. The carrot sticks and bottled water I’d packed were doing little to revive me. Midway through Lord of the Rings, I was digging my fists into my eyes, trying to rub the gum out and stay awake. I don’t know what I had been thinking, wanting to see three movies in one day – two of them EPIC movies. I left the theater not even considering Gangs of New York.

Driving home, I refused to feel defeated. Maybe my college days were behind me, but then again, these days I can eat real meals off of real plates with real silverware. The books I read are for entertainment, not for criticism. And movie hopping has become a matter of saving time, not money. So it’s okay that I don’t have the stamina I once had in college. Maybe that’s good. I don’t think I could handle another Jerry Springer marathon anyway.