Oh liberals, why are you this naive?

I GOT THIS LETTER ON MY MYSPACE BULLETIN BOARD TODAY AND READ IT WITH A FAIR AMOUNT OF INCREDULITY, SHAKING MY HEAD AT HOW SOME WELL-MEANING LIBERAL COULD BE SO NAÏVE AND CONDESCENING… AND THEN I GOT TO THE BOTTOM AND REALIZED IT WAS A LETTER FROM MICHAEL MOORE AND IT ALL MADE SENSE. SO I FELT THE NEED TO PUT IN MY OWN TWO-CENTS. MY COMMENTS IN BOLD.

November 14th, 2006

To My Conservative Brothers and Sisters,

I know you are dismayed and disheartened at the results of last week's election. You're worried that the country is heading toward a very bad place you don't want it to go. Your 12-year Republican Revolution has ended with so much yet to do, so many promises left unfulfilled. You are in a funk, and I understand.

Yes, but unlike YOU after the 2004 election, WE have not turned into whining little children stomping our feet and threatening to move to Canada just because things didn’t go our way.

Well, cheer up, my friends! Do not despair. I have good news for you. I, and the millions of others who are now in charge with our Democratic Congress, have a pledge we would like to make to you, a list of promises that we offer you because we value you as our fellow Americans. You deserve to know what
we plan to do with our newfound power -- and, to be specific, what we will do to you and for you.

Thus, here is our Liberal's Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives:

Dear Conservatives and Republicans,

I, and my fellow signatories, hereby make these promises to you:

1. We will always respect you for your conservative beliefs. We will never, ever, call you "unpatriotic" simply because you disagree with us. In fact, we encourage you to dissent and disagree with us.

Really? Because it seems like every time I actually get into a conversation with one of you people the look on your face ranges from disgust that anybody could possibly have such primitive ideas, to a look that I can only describe as pure childlike wonder or disbelief that there are even still such things as Red States and Red State voters.

2. We will let you marry whomever you want, even when some of us consider your behavior to be "different" or "immoral." Who you marry is none of our business. Love and be in love -- it's a wonderful gift.

Fine, no problem here.

3. We will not spend your grandchildren's money on our personal whims or to enrich our friends. It's your checkbook, too, and we will balance it for you.

If you say so, but then you might want to talk to such notable guys as Nancy Pelosi’s second-in-command John Murtha who has a rather pork filled history of his own. Or how about Harry Reid the Senate Minority leader who approved a bill for a bridge that allow the property value of his own house and neighborhood skyrocket. What about California Dem Diane Feinstein who threw 200 million dollars at Northrop Grauman for Katrina related efforts… just so happens that company is one of her biggest campaign supporters. Don’t tease us libs. I found these three easily after a mere five minutes on Google. I’m sure if I dug deeper I’d find more. You guys are just as guilty of wheeling and dealing for your friends as the Reps.

4. When we soon bring our sons and daughters home from Iraq, we will bring your sons and daughters home, too. They deserve to live. We promise never to send your kids off to war based on either a mistake or a lie.

Okay, first of all, have you actually talked to the men and women who are over there fighting. If you did you’d realize a good portion of them - depending on whose polls you read of course - AGREE with the war. And so your solution is to bring them home poste haste. Great, let’s just leave a power vacuum over there for the insane president of Iran to step in and fill. That will make all our problems go away.

And really, the “war based on a lie” thing? Are we really still beating that dead fictitious horse? Okay then:

"In the four years since the inspectors left, intelligence reports show that Saddam Hussein has worked to rebuild his chemical and biological weapons stock, his missile delivery capability, and his nuclear program. He has also given aid, comfort, and sanctuary to terrorists, including al Qaeda members ... It is clear, however, that if left unchecked, Saddam Hussein will continue to increase his capacity to wage biological and chemical warfare, and will keep trying to develop nuclear weapons."

That’s a quote from October of 2002 and made not by a Republican, but by a DEMOCRAT. And not just any democrat… Hillary Rodham Clinton herself said it.

Or what about:

"If Saddam rejects peace and we have to use force, our purpose is clear. We want to seriously diminish the threat posed by Iraq's weapons of mass destruction program."

That one was made by Bill Clinton himself in 1998 while he was STILL PRESIDENT, so if there was a lie, it was more than just the right side of the room perpetuating it.

5. When we make America the last Western democracy to have universal health coverage, and all Americans are able to get help when they fall ill, we promise that you, too, will be able to see a doctor, regardless of your ability to pay. And when stem cell research delivers treatments and cures for diseases that affect you and your loved ones, we'll make sure those advances are available to you and your family, too.

That’s great. Government regulated health care. I’m sure that will run just as smoothly and efficiently as those other departments you run. Considering how long it takes and how many different forms I have to fill out and how many lines I have to stand in and how many rude and incompetent government employees I have to deal with just to get a DRIVERS LICENSE, I’m looking forward to the day when I need to go through you people to get chemo or a heart transplant.

6. Even though you have opposed environmental regulation, when we clean up our air and water, we, the Democratic majority, will let you, too, breathe the cleaner air and drink the purer water.

See now you all CLAIM to be pro-environment and I encourage that and I agree that the Bush administration has not been the environment’s best friend. But in multiple Google searches of appropriate keywords, I really don’t see you offering any actual SOLUTIONS to how you’re actually going to FIX things. The Kyoto Treaty and “alternative energy” are the only buzzwords I really hear you talking about, which strike me as rather vague “hooks” to lure voters and make it SEEM like you’re devoting your time to the problem without producing any actual results. But hey, I hope I’m misreading. Go to it.

7. Should a mass murderer ever kill 3,000 people on our soil, we will devote every single resource to tracking him down and bringing him to justice. Immediately. We will protect you.

Right, because all the terrorism in this world is being perpetuated by ONE GUY. And taking him out is going to solve all our problems. Fantastic. I look forward to seeing you apprehend the mass murderer and immediate extinction of radical Islam that is sure to follow.

8. We will never stick our nose in your bedroom or your womb. What you do there as consenting adults is your business. We will continue to count your age from the moment you were born, not the moment you were conceived.

But will you start counting the seconds of my age from the instant my head pops out of the birth canal until the second the doctor punctures my skull or severs the spinal cord in my neck? I know I was only “partially born” before I was killed but still, will you be counting then?

9. We will not take away your hunting guns. If you need an automatic weapon or a handgun to kill a bird or a deer, then you really aren't much of a hunter and you should, perhaps, pick up another sport. We will make our streets and schools as free as we can from these weapons and we will protect your children just as we would protect ours.

Machine guns, I’m right on board with you. But you know some of us actually use handguns to defend our homes from criminals who managed to find guns in spite of the laws you want to make.

10. When we raise the minimum wage, we will pay you -- and your employees -- that new wage, too. When women are finally paid what men make, we will pay conservative women that wage, too.

That’s wonderful. What a great cure-all for the poor of this country. I’m sure once that single mom starts making a full SEVEN dollars an hour, all her financial woes will be over. Maybe she’ll even be able to buy her little girl that pony she’s always wanted. And she’ll have you to thank.

11. We will respect your religious beliefs, even when you don't put those beliefs into practice. In fact, we will actively seek to promote your most radical religious beliefs ("Blessed are the poor," "Blessed are the
peacemakers," "Love your enemies," "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God," and "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."). We will let people in other countries know that God doesn't just bless America, he blesses everyone. We will discourage religious intolerance and fanaticism -- starting with the fanaticism here at home, thus setting a good example for the rest of the world.

Sure, you’ll respect our beliefs right up until the moment when one of use dares to intimate that there is bona fide evil in this world, or when we suggest that somebody’s decisions might be immoral, or when our child decides to say a personal prayer before lunch where others can hear in a public school. After that, respect stops and we become “intolerant” or “brain-washed” people who are “unable to think for themselves.”

12. We will not tolerate politicians who are corrupt and who are bought and paid for by the rich. We will go after any elected leader who puts him or herself ahead of the people. And we promise you we will go after the corrupt politicians on our side FIRST. If we fail to do this, we need you to call us on it. Simply because we are in power does not give us the right to turn our heads the other way when our party goes astray. Please perform this important duty as the loyal opposition.

Okay, seriously, ANY politician that gets as high as the U.S. Senate or House of Representatives has been bought and paid for by the rich at some point or other. Those campaign finances don’t pop out of thin air. And if you examine any politician, a good chunk of those donations are in large sums from rich people and corporations. But irrespective of money coming from outside, both the Republican AND the Democratic Parties are big money-making organizations FULL of corruption. Ever wonder why another party has yet to rise up and challenge the two standing parties? Because the Blues and the Reds have corrupted together and even though they are on opposite sides, they need each other to prop themselves up. So they force Green party candidates and independents off ballots. They make sure that no matter who wins or loses, at least one of THEM will still retain control.

You’re going to weed our your own corrupt politicians first? Seriously? Then why have you waited until now? If you were really serious about that, you would have done it already.

I promise all of the above to you because this is your country, too. You are every bit as American as we are. We are all in this together. We sink or swim as one. Thank you for your years of service to this country and for giving us the opportunity to see if we can make things a bit better for our 300 million fellow Americans -- and for the rest of the world.

We’re every bit as American as you are? That’s funny, the day after John Kerry conceded the 2004 election we found a graphic on your site indicating that we weren’t part of America all, but a condescending little place known as “Jesusland”.

Signed,

Michael Moore
mmflint@aol.com
(Click here to sign the pledge:
http://www.petitiononline.com/mmflint/petition.html )
http://www.michaelmoore.com/

P.S. Please feel free to pass this on.

Hey believe me, I'm not shedding any tears over the Republicans losing both houses last week. Personally I voted Green down the line. But my god liberals, I know you’re pissed off at George Bush, but why do you keep looking to THIS GUY for guidance?