Because wolves don't suddenly decide to go vegetarian

Has anybody else from my generation noticed how the classic story "The Three Little Pigs" has been changed to become more "accessible" and "kid friendly"? Everybody remembers the basic story structure. There are three brother pigs who go off on their own to build houses. Two of the pigs are lazy and build their houses out of straw and sticks respectively. But the third little pig is an industrious forward thinker. He knows there are wolves out there who would try to knock down his house and eat him, so he builds a strong house out of bricks. Well low and behold, along comes the Big Bad Wolf who proceeds to "huff and puff and blow the house down" on the first two pigs. But the third little pig's brick house is too strong and the wolf is foiled.

Exactly how the wolf is foiled has evolved over the years. Well first of all, in certain versions of the story that I had read to me as a kid (or told free form) the Wolf actually ATE the first two little pigs. I don't think there is a version around anymore where this grisly turn of events still takes place. I think even if you manage to find a classic book of stories with "The Three Little Pigs" in it, it will have been changed so that the first two little pigs, after having their houses blown down, run to the house of their better-prepared brother. This specific rewriting doesn't bother me all that much. I know the original intent of that particular plot line was to reinforce the Christian work ethic in kids everywhere, basically saying: "Don't be idle and lazy or you'll DIE!" But as a writer, I know it's hard to enjoy good light and happy literature if two such lovable characters die a particularly gruesome death. So I don't mind creative license being taken there.

What bothers me is how history has tried to rewrite the ultimate fate of the Big Bad Wolf. Again, in the versions I always heard, the Big Bad Wolf died at the end of the story. After failing to blow down the brick house, he goes up on the roof and comes down the chimney where the little pig (or PIGS depending on the version) have put a kettle of boiling water into the fireplace. The Wolf slides down, lands in the water and is boiled to death. Again, depending on the version, his death goes down in one of two ways. Either a) the little pig(s) cooked the wolf and ate him or b) (the more palatable version) the wolf simply boils away into non-existence. Either way, the wolf gets his due comeuppance and the little pigs are freed from his reign of terror.

Well, that is not the way it happens today. In every modern version, the Wolf slides down the chimney, burns his bottom on the boiling water then scrambles back up the chimney and runs away into the woods where he decides to never bother the little pigs again.

(((I guess I should acknowledge the caveat that this isn't necessarily a new way of telling the story. The popular Disney version of the story includes this kid-friendly non-violent ending - and that cartoon came out in 1933. I guess it was too heavy to actually show three cartoon characters carving up another character on film. But as of the early 80's, when I was growing up, there were still plenty of printed versions of the story that included the wolf's boiling demise.)))

I know we're trying to save our children's fragile psyche's by eliminating all mention of death in their stories, but I must state for the record that I HATE this version of "The Three Little Pigs" with its non-violent climax. From a purely storytelling point of view, there is nothing satisfying about the Wolf escaping with just wounded pride and a sore bottom. I mean he just spent the better half of the story doing everything HE could do to kill and then devour three helpless little pigs whose worst sin was having lazy work ethic. Why shouldn't the Big Bad Wolf die at the end when, if he had succeeded, the pigs would have been the ones who died? It's just plain gullible to believe that the Wolf is going to give up after this. Do the rewriters really expect us to believe that the Wolf is just going to sit around moping in the woods and never bother the pigs again? Please! As soon as his ass heals, he's going to come back. Knowing he can't penetrate the house, he'll just patiently hide outside, knowing that these pigs are going to have to come out eventually and then he'll pounce. No, the only way to have full closure on this story, the wolf has to die or be subdued in some way. Maybe the pigs manage to tie him up and send him to Abu Dhabi or something. (Pat yourself on the back if you caught the Garfield reference).

The reason why I hate this version of "The Three Little Pigs" on a larger scale however, is because it is so indicative of the society we live in today. Though really, it is more indicative of the patty-cake-playing ultra-liberals who, when a psycho is arrested for chopping up his entire family, want to make sure the guy is treated well and gets basic cable in prison. When some evil dictator slaughters 100,000 people, rather than marching a battalion of tanks up the guy's asshole, they want to impose "sanctions" and "U.N. Resolutions" and other cute little solutions that equate to about as much as giving these people a little smack (or a burn) on their butts. But most of all, this ending epitomizes the growing mindset so many people in this country have of no consequences for your actions. You can be a non-stop maniacal prick, and the second somebody calls you on it, you can just run off into the woods, nurse your burned bottom and wounded ego and wait until people have stopped thinking about you to return to your former prickish-ness.

I know I'm overreacting, and I know it's just a kid's story, but if it is just a story then why are we so gung-ho about changing it in the first place? Why can't we meet half-way and let the wolf dissolve into vapor in that boiling cauldron? It's harmless. It leaves no lasting gruesome images. And it makes for better storytelling and lesson-teaching.